ABJ - LAG

-My friends have taken to calling me Globetrotter on account of my being in Abuja so often of late. I so so wish I was a new Abuja corper as opposed to a Lag one.


I woke up at around 5ish on Wednesday, with a mind to make it to the....uh...bus stop, by 7-7.30. Tiz got me there around 6.50 and there was not a bus to be found.
Well, no bus I needed- and he didn't want to leave me all abandoned-in-a-lot-like.
So we get ourselves a Plan B and I'm the first passenger, waiting for 5 more, on account of its Luxury bus-ness.
Take off's at 7.30 I'm told.
7.30 comes and goes, morphs into 8, Mofo's, how far? The bus is nowhere to be seen.

So we ask, 'Garcon, ou est la...bus?' We are ignored. I take a new found interest in my phone....and my watch. Eventually, they tell us that a tire had to be fixed. By now I wonder, really, what other buses are around by 8am?

The only male in our company (passengers, that is) flips the craze button in the back of his neck. He wants his money and he wants it now.
The Negro holding it looks an odd mix of about to cry and afraid to laugh. My Spidey senses tingle all over the place. I use to style to ex-myself from the room, as you see; Mr. Man has started to vibrate.
His voice, his hands- or pointing fists, shall I say, even his eyes have joined the mix. They set this Baba to Puree and he Wants his Money Now!

I would like to enter Lagos before the world ends and if Baba wan carry his money go, se dese people no fit tell me dey no wan move again? I wonder, I stew, I really have to use the toilet and I'm chopping all the external gist I can. I contemplate crying, but remember who my Father is. No blody way.

Everyone I ask for the blody key is deflected in their attempts by the Angry Man. So I suffer silently and think to myself. I realize that we are only 4 oh, as Madam has stealthily disappeared and the chicka with a kid paid for two seats. Victim number three comes around and I ask. He ventures into the Lions Den to ask Mr. Cry or Laugh for the key. Baba Angry Man will not agree. Victim 3 says he should calm down. Baba Angry says he shouldn't put his mouth into other peoples' business.

I am telling you, his eyes were red. I guess he was preparing to explode when he reaches out and this guy away. Kinda like a choke maneuver, aimed at the neck. BAM!! All I’d-get-my-ass-kicked-in-a-fight like, but that aint the point.
Our guy tells the Baba that he needs God. In fact, if I wasn't a Christian. In fact, God will judge you. etc, etc, vex, vex. He needs to be placated, they hold him back. I wonder if they even have a key….

Baba Red Eyes is set to Blend-High Speed, spitting something about blasphemy and nonsense. Needless to say, he gets his money back


Somewhere in this, they manage to arrange the key for me. By now, everyone else has asked for their money. He says he'll give it to 'em when he gets back from showing me where exactly one can ease herself. I let him know that, *ahem* you'll give me my money too o, ehen.

8.30ish and I've managed to get my money. Some guys are trying to hustle us into a bus that's forever coming and will meet us by the road.
The chicka with a small kid and the short one that 'knows' about a bus that hasn't left yet - still haven't gotten there money yet. (Did I mention that I got my money? Not quite sure how it happened, but my money was in my pocket. Crazy odd.) The Mother looks like crying is next on her agenda and the short girls' money 'is with the other guy'. You know, someone that hasn't been around since 7.15

The by-the-road bus comes. Short girl can't get her money, tears have already welled up. The guys want to load my things into the other bus. Short Crying says I should chill. Something makes me tell the guy that we are all together. Long story less annoying, we all enter the bus after much…..*sigh*.......and pick up two more people, man and wife. They were bamboozled by Their bus, go figure.

We start heading out, we say a prayer, and our Dear Husband has left some important documents in the last bus. We turn back and end up having to go and meet that bus.
He gets his ish, we head off.

I send status report texts and I sleep. Its 9 am.


-Here's to people with their own cars, one day I'll be like you......one day.....

-I'm all done with the GRE by the way, met or surpassed the cutoffs, na de koko be dat. Celebrations will take place after I kill the next test…. and no, I don’t get off on taking exams.

-Oh, and there is still a Ram outside my window, but its quieter than the last one... :)