Selfish

 

I had a bad day, bad week, poor month, weak year..
Did I? I fell and rose, decided. Chose.
I breathed the air recycled by blades of green grass
as I trod upon them -only waste now, useless.

 

I whined 'woe is me', cursed and cried.
I swore 'never again', yet I live-

 

You died.

 

 

Sitting as minutes creep by and turn into years.
Shaking I cower behind giant, imaginary fears.
I twiddle my thumbs and wonder, 'perhaps', 'if only I-'
Still time passes, used up and wasted.

 

 

I recall your face, your voice -
Your unmoving form on that last day.
I have the nickname you gave me,
the image of pressed shirts and ties.

Yet the memory is faded

drowned by selfishness and pride.
Choked by 'problems' and 'strife',

 

Yet I live. How

 

could I have

forgotten that

 

You died?